Clinging on to these Senior nights

I had decided last night to do something I haven't done in ages, stay up till the sun rose typing away at a paper that I should have finished hours before. I would remember 2nd Year when staying up without sleep seemed new to me and the house at 3 am would scare me. Then fast forward to 3rd Year when I was staying in my grandfather's house and finish my Filipino papers at around 5 am. The thing with my grandfather's house is that the computer is located in the lanai which is kind of "open" area so I get to feel the occasional drop of rain on my shoulder or see a cockroach scurrying across the marble floor. Whenever that happens I would start typing away as if I had just taken a shot of espresso.
This year we had no papers that would take that long to finish so it being our 4th Quarter already I decided to type away my term paper so I can finish in the wee hours of the morning. Oh and another factor that helped me decide to not sleep is that my other friend had to finish his term paper that night cause his defense is this Friday already. So we decided to both stay up and do our term paper, and even though I was ahead of him he was able to finish a lot faster than me cause I suck at writting essays.
The people who stayed up on that faithful night were: Me, Luis, Karl, Kamille V and Armaine, plus other people who were obviously sleeping but left their YM on. At one point in the night I chatted with them because I was taking one of my "chat breaks".
At 0120 hours I got hungry and Luis and I decided to go to McDonalds for a break. I like going to 24 hour places at 1 am... Something about the difference between day time's busy and long lines and the silence of the store in early mornings.
Anyways we went back and kept on typing. At 5 am Luis gave up with fighting against sleep and decided to sleep, I slept a little after that. With xteen number of pages to show for the night, I feel a little cheated that I was able to come up with so little pages given a whole night to type it. But now I realize that it was never about finishing my paper (that's due weeks from now) but more of for the experience, the feeling of working the whole night and fighting against the sunrise. One thing that I thought I would miss until I realized that college would not change me, I would still procastinate and cram in college and I'm pretty sure that my sleepless nights have not ended. But what the heck, last night was about the memories because this may be the last night in my senior year that I will work the whole night.
Call it weird but I like sleepless nights. Workaholic? :|

Disclaimer

I'm going to write this blog pretending people (more than one *cough) reads my blog.

Disclaimer: Persons, Places and Dates may vary according to your intellect. For the sake of my sanity and safety names shall change though facts and events shall stay structurally the same. Ayt? ayt.

So from now on most of my blogs will have changed names and stuf because I want them to.

I wish I had Bulimia nervos

Then it would make everything so much clearer. Then I wouldn't have to keep all this shit inside of me. Then it would all be true.

Everyday I eat more and more, I can't help that I need to eat so much. I need to consume, to absorb, to understand all that is placed in front of me, even those hidden in the far corners of the fridge. There seems to be no end to it all as if there were some black hole brewing within me. When I'm done eating that which has been set before me I still have that insatiable hunger that drives me to keep moving. I open lids, pick locked doors and look under boulders until I can find satisfaction for that moment at least. Everything, anything, anywhere. I can't stop my self from eating even if it hurts. Yes, the hurt that comes with a bulging stomach pressing upon my skin, stretching it in ways that will leave marks.

When the battle for my control has been lost I see the sins I have done through its terrible wake. Ketchup stains, dried rice on my shirt and a breath smelling not too dandy. Once I come out of my eating rage I am filled with depression and need to extort the poison from my body. Two fingers would surely do, and I would bring it all out. Wait, did I just say two fingers? No no no no. I ain't gonna get myself into that type of social class. Hell no, no way, nu-uh.

I cannot wait for my body to naturally absorb and burn it all. Natural? haha that's just some idea that people make up to feel better about themselves when they know that its the drugs that keep them from malaria and dengue. that its the drugs and the nicotine and the chemicals that keep them this happy. no, if we kept things "natural" we'd going at each other without stop. There's no way I'm sticking with natural.

I would bring it all out into this world. Like a baby struggling for air that gets sick of his momma's uterus. There's no further need to keep it inside, the taste has been tasted and the feeling has been felt. And as the vile and the acids see its first light, so shall the world witness the liquids that I encase within. Out in the open, it would be as it is. No longer hidden by recipes and decorations.

I wish i had bulimia nervos. Then the world would see what it's like keeping all this shit inside of me. Then I wouldn't have to keep all the secrets and problems and darkness inside. Then I wouldn't have to walk around pretending to be fine when maggots are eating me from the inside.
Then there'd be an easy way out.

....

just joking! I wouldn't have it any other way. It's the secrets and deceit within that keep things interesting.

Snow

How cold does it have to be before you can't tell the difference between hot and cold water? Before seeing your breath mist up becomes a usual scene? Before leaving any liquid in your car = ice cubes in the afternoon? Yes people this is the miracle of snow.

It was Christmas day when we left our cosy Danville house for a 4 hour ride up north for Lake Tahoe. We stopped by in several pit stops along the way and it really amazed me that our gas would deplete so quickly. You see we were traveling on the expressway American style. 8 lanes for one direction, not much traffic, no cramming into tight spots just you and the open road. With that factor given how can you not keep a steady 70 miles (not km) / hour rate? In exchange for that feeling of freedom and speed we depleted our gas resources quickly and had to gas up quite a few times.

One interesting place that we stopped by is this gas station where I found a Barack Obama key chain. The cashier man was quite friendly and when I went to purchase my newly found treasure we talked. It was quite sad when he mentioned that he had no problem working on Christmas day because his family lives somewhere else and he's been alone for sometime already. Christmas day was any other day for this poor soul. That just tore me apart and I felt sad for him that he had nothing to look forward to at the end of the year except for freezing weather and another month's bonus. But it isn't any of my business so I didn't say anything anymore. After stocking up on provisions and restroom breaks we headed out for Lake Tahoe.

I must confess that most of the time in the car I had my headphones on and my iPod playing movies, so I did not pay much attention to the scenery outside, even though it was pitch dark. But later in the night my cousin who was driving did shout out my name and exclaimed "It's snowing!" And indeed it was, with snow flakes slowly drifting down like white insects descending from the night sky. I stood in amazement as I saw this natural precipitation float down for the first time in my life.

In the following days that we stayed in our log cabin and went snowboarding I learned a lot of things about snow. It could melt and refreeze to ice and hardens. It doesn't taste that very good. You can jump into it and come out all white. Basically snow was fun. And very coooooold.

Adrenaline Rush

There is a cup of hot coffee in my hands as I walk the corridors of my hotel. I can feel its warmth radiating to my frozen fingers. I can see the steam slowly escaping from the lid like hotsprings near a volcano. My walk, left right left right, my arms at my side yet my hands fidgeting at a steady pattern.

Frankly, I do not want to walk at a steady pace, I do not want to hold this cup of 100 C coffee I do not want to be quiet. Something from within me wants to break free from this slow moving body, I want to throw the cup at someone, I want to run down the corridor and into the cold, I want to MOVE. The adrenaline in me pulses to the very tips of my fingers, being hyped up from the recently released news. The news that made my morning when I curiously checked my phone to find people going crazy over the results of a test.

I got into la salle!