I wish I had Bulimia nervos

Then it would make everything so much clearer. Then I wouldn't have to keep all this shit inside of me. Then it would all be true.

Everyday I eat more and more, I can't help that I need to eat so much. I need to consume, to absorb, to understand all that is placed in front of me, even those hidden in the far corners of the fridge. There seems to be no end to it all as if there were some black hole brewing within me. When I'm done eating that which has been set before me I still have that insatiable hunger that drives me to keep moving. I open lids, pick locked doors and look under boulders until I can find satisfaction for that moment at least. Everything, anything, anywhere. I can't stop my self from eating even if it hurts. Yes, the hurt that comes with a bulging stomach pressing upon my skin, stretching it in ways that will leave marks.

When the battle for my control has been lost I see the sins I have done through its terrible wake. Ketchup stains, dried rice on my shirt and a breath smelling not too dandy. Once I come out of my eating rage I am filled with depression and need to extort the poison from my body. Two fingers would surely do, and I would bring it all out. Wait, did I just say two fingers? No no no no. I ain't gonna get myself into that type of social class. Hell no, no way, nu-uh.

I cannot wait for my body to naturally absorb and burn it all. Natural? haha that's just some idea that people make up to feel better about themselves when they know that its the drugs that keep them from malaria and dengue. that its the drugs and the nicotine and the chemicals that keep them this happy. no, if we kept things "natural" we'd going at each other without stop. There's no way I'm sticking with natural.

I would bring it all out into this world. Like a baby struggling for air that gets sick of his momma's uterus. There's no further need to keep it inside, the taste has been tasted and the feeling has been felt. And as the vile and the acids see its first light, so shall the world witness the liquids that I encase within. Out in the open, it would be as it is. No longer hidden by recipes and decorations.

I wish i had bulimia nervos. Then the world would see what it's like keeping all this shit inside of me. Then I wouldn't have to keep all the secrets and problems and darkness inside. Then I wouldn't have to walk around pretending to be fine when maggots are eating me from the inside.
Then there'd be an easy way out.

....

just joking! I wouldn't have it any other way. It's the secrets and deceit within that keep things interesting.